Conviction

So the past week I have been so convicted about many things in my life. Some I will share, some I will not. Some are just very personal that I have been dealing with and finally surrendering too. Things I have never had to deal with in my life and was really struggling with. It was new territory to find discipline in. A strange place of selfish seduction and satisfaction, all the while knowing I was in rebellion and out of the guidelines of the rule book God wants for my life. The day I set some of it aside was very freeing. The weights were lifted and peace settled in, in that area. I hate my own selfishness. I wish desperately once I get rid of some aspects of it, that all of it would go away. But, it doesn't. It shows up in some other way that I have to learn to let go of and let God master me once again.
In other areas, I was very convicted yesterday about falling into old ways and old habits. In the sense of my kids, our lifestyle, and our daily routine. I was finding myself letting them watch WAY too much TV again, fending for themselves for attention, being bored, not engaged, not outside, etc...
Yesterday, He spoke into my heart so loud. HE brought us here to dramatically change our family. Not to be the same. He brought us to a whole new place, new faces, new experiences to change me, to change us. To grow us into new creations, to bring Him new glories, to bring us new challenges.
I knew and still know that is why He brought us here. I do not know what all the details look like. I do not know how it will all play out or the whens or whys in between. But, I was totally in the way and messing it all up. I have ignoring Him since being here. Licking my wounds so to speak. Not wanting to pay attention to His heart and words that I so desperately need every minute of everyday.
I just felt like I finally decided to listen and soak it all up yesterday. It was like being out in the rain on a warm summer day. My dry and thirsty heart soaking up all HE had to offer me. Then the icing on the cake was this and then this morning thisthis
Although, I hate how I have acted and felt, the refreshing joy and peace that comes after the rain is amazing. I hope I always stay amazed at the "rain" He brings.