Merry Christmas Eve!

-Today is a hard day for me. It is 11 years that my Dad past away. I cried last night not wanting to go to sleep because every time I open my eyes on this morning, I still see my grandmother standing over me telling me,"He's gone." It's a hard morning.

It haunted me for years. I was an agonizing memory. Christmas was not happy or merry for me.

Then six year ago that all changed. It was in February 2002 I fell on my knees and Believed. The tears fell and the spirit flooded in, to forever change my heart.

I am so grateful. Forever changed and forever His.

So now, I still have the vision and the memory but it's only for a moment. Now, I hear my kids laughing. I see their smiles. I tell them why we have Christmas. A baby changes everything. http://www.faithhillchristmas.com/

For so long the man I focused on in my life was my Dad. You see God gave me a gift. He changed my focus. I now focus on my Lord. I fail Him everyday. I love Him everyday. I desperately need Him everyday.

I chose to believe my life could be more. I chose to believe in what I could see, but knew I was missing something.

Its well said here http://thebigmamablog.com/index.php/2008/12/24/the-eve-of-christmas/

Oh Holy Night....

DUH!

EVEN THOUGH NOT ONE OF YOU HELPED ME!!!! and I have been so irritated that I could figure out where all my fancy linky things and colors were, I found them.
I didn't even see there was another tab for compose and get out of Html.
I am so stupid at anything big or small regarding technology!
And yes, I know there are a couple of you laughing at me right now...(humpf)and (niff)
so there...

Moments

Amazing BLOG

I love remembering the moments of worship all around us.

huh?

wassup?

My linky things not working.,I can't find the pretty font color change thingy, and the copy, paste thingy is not working now????

A little help here?

Do i need to reset something?

Better Day

 
 
 
 
So, we had a much better day yesterday. Caden was home with a stomach ache. I picked Logan up early after doing some shopping at the school. That was cute. They got to go around and shop for their family and friends. I remember buying my mom the most ugly "ruby" ring. I didn't get anything that fancy. The kids were on a budget. There is no telling what awesome things I did get though.

Then we came home and worked on Logan's Indian project. I had so much fun with her. Ususally we go around and around. She is so deteremined to make it her way. And doesn't want suggestions. Yesterday she was great and much more open. So instead of her idea of glueing in plastic Indians from lincoln logs. We made this. SHe did a great job and it turned out so good. I helped with some. Mostly the Indians face. I thought he turned out great. She had such great ideas and worked so hard. It was really fun. She even let her bro help! That's a miracle in itself..
I'll let you know her grade when she gets it.

Oh my!

Let me give all of you a big apology for my post yesterday. That was the worst grammar I have read in along time! TER-RI-BLE!
Two things happened: 1. I was late for lunch with a friend and typed that out real fast and that "linky thingy", that I just figured out how to do last week, was giving me a hard time. I cant seem to find my pretty color letters either...
2. I always have, and probably always will, not been the best at grammar. (It drives Trey crazy!) But, I love to write! Yesterday I felt I needed to purge all of those emotions so I went to town. I was typing faster than my brain could keep up with. Then I was rushed out the door for lunch.
I can not promise it will get better. Well, a little better. But, I will work on it. It is such a metaphor for my life though.
I just look at the big picture and not the details. I get things done but forgot all the in-betweens. (this too drives Trey crazy!) I am sooo not a detail person. I have to work on that!

But, I am glad the post content and meaning helped some of you through you day and encouraged you in some way. That was the point!

Conviction

So the past week I have been so convicted about many things in my life. Some I will share, some I will not. Some are just very personal that I have been dealing with and finally surrendering too. Things I have never had to deal with in my life and was really struggling with. It was new territory to find discipline in. A strange place of selfish seduction and satisfaction, all the while knowing I was in rebellion and out of the guidelines of the rule book God wants for my life. The day I set some of it aside was very freeing. The weights were lifted and peace settled in, in that area. I hate my own selfishness. I wish desperately once I get rid of some aspects of it, that all of it would go away. But, it doesn't. It shows up in some other way that I have to learn to let go of and let God master me once again.
In other areas, I was very convicted yesterday about falling into old ways and old habits. In the sense of my kids, our lifestyle, and our daily routine. I was finding myself letting them watch WAY too much TV again, fending for themselves for attention, being bored, not engaged, not outside, etc...
Yesterday, He spoke into my heart so loud. HE brought us here to dramatically change our family. Not to be the same. He brought us to a whole new place, new faces, new experiences to change me, to change us. To grow us into new creations, to bring Him new glories, to bring us new challenges.
I knew and still know that is why He brought us here. I do not know what all the details look like. I do not know how it will all play out or the whens or whys in between. But, I was totally in the way and messing it all up. I have ignoring Him since being here. Licking my wounds so to speak. Not wanting to pay attention to His heart and words that I so desperately need every minute of everyday.
I just felt like I finally decided to listen and soak it all up yesterday. It was like being out in the rain on a warm summer day. My dry and thirsty heart soaking up all HE had to offer me. Then the icing on the cake was this and then this morning thisthis
Although, I hate how I have acted and felt, the refreshing joy and peace that comes after the rain is amazing. I hope I always stay amazed at the "rain" He brings.

Murphy

Who is Murphy and why does he seems to follow me??

SO, Christmas is days away and my kids have their really long lists made. When what do I hear? Christmas bells, reindeer paws, a jolly "Ho-Ho-Ho"?
Um no, that would be grinding on my car everytime I stop. So that would be a $300 brake job! I also have to get my state inspection, oil change, and vehicle registration.
Coal anyone!


Good thing I know how to bake and cake and sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus. And I will still hear the angels singing that Holy Night!

Bad Mama!

This is what happens when you are too busy reading this and trying to win this
Apparently, with in seconds, my little one can find the stamper that Kannan left in her pocket and I washed and dried with a huge load of laundry. Yes, the one I looked for but had no luck and she decided to eat as a snack..
Wonder if this counts for another entry???
Guess, I better get back to the work of being a good Mama and feed my kids a snack!

Independence

Independent! That is the definition of Kannan. Always has been, always will be....
So, it was no surprised when she finally decided she wanted to start picking out her own clothes.
This was the "outfit du jour" today.

I think she looks like an old "Nana" headed for her Florida retirement home, but what do I know! (wink)

Instruction Manual on ME!

You Are a Marilyn!






You are a Marilyn -- "I am affectionate and skeptical."

Marilyns are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.




How to Get Along with Me
* Be direct and clear
* Listen to me carefully
* Don't judge me for my anxiety
* Work things through with me
* Reassure me that everything is OK between us
* Laugh and make jokes with me
* Gently push me toward new experiences
* Try not to overreact to my overreacting.


What I Like About Being a Marilyn
* being committed and faithful to family and friends
* being responsible and hardworking
* being compassionate toward others
* having intellect and wit
* being a nonconformist
* confronting danger bravely
* being direct and assertive


What's Hard About Being a Marilyn
* the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
* procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
* fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
* exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
* wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
* being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations


Marilyns as Children Often
* are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn
* are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger
* form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent
* look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel
* are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent


Marilyns as Parents
* are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
* are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
* worry more than most that their children will get hurt
* sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

I have to admit that I copied this from another blog. I liked it so much!

Awesome!

OK Ladies.
See right side bar....Rebel For A Cause button...
Here's a great contest. Although I am desperate to win. It's a raffle with all proceeds going to a great foundation,and this one, and this one!!! Not one, but three places to make difference!


Once again, it is from probably my "most favorite" blog
It is a HUGE contest with an even bigger reward than the prize you get. It's perfect for this time of year of "gimme" "gimme". You get AND you get to give back! Love IT!

I really, really hope to win. Trey and I have been shopping cameras for me. I really want to get going with my own little business. I adore photography. After all, I do have the best subjects to view and study-MY KIDS! :) What and enormous blessing it would be to win! Even if not, I will get to help someone who needs it...