Friday, August 22, 2008

Void

Trey left Thursday for Houston.
I wanted to sit and write all about it, but I couldn't . There were so many raw emotions that I couldn't even form words most of the day.
I have such a pain in my chest even as I write this. The tears well, and I can't breathe. I miss him so much it hurts, literally.

We laid in bed Wednesday night, and I tried to stay awake all night, with all I had. I just didn't want it to be the day he had to leave. I didn't want to wake up and tell him goodbye. But I did.
It almost seems like a dream. I keep expecting him to walk through the door. I am not sure how or why he is gone. It just doesn't seem right.
We are here. He is there.
All of his things are gone. All his T-shirts, his contacts, his watch on the bathroom sink at night...gone.
As he hugged me goodbye all I could do was shake my head,"NO!"
This can't be happening, please NO!
It was a long night. The kids and I just cried. They are having a hard time. A very hard time. They need their dad.
He is the laughter, the joy, the fun in our house. I miss the feet running, and voices yelling,"DADDY!" when they hear the door opening.
I miss his arms around me.
I miss his face. It hurt to look at him the days before he left.

When we made the decision for him to leave, we had a strong contract on the table. That fell through the day before he left. We had a date to be back together. I had an end. Now I just feel like we are hanging.
I know it's going to be OK. God has a purpose and a plan better than we could ever plan. I just can't say it doesn't hurt.
My best friend isn't here with me. He isn't here to hold me, to talk to me face to face, to hug me, to make me laugh, to kiss me...
I miss him so much!! I know I said that, but I do.
The minute he walked out the door there was a void. The whole house shifted. It was different in an instant. It was an overwhelming difference. There will be til we are all together again.
He is my love...my man...my better half(for real!)...he make me a better person.
I love you Trey.

Please keep praying...I know I will be...

Thursday, August 14, 2008

TOO CUTE!!

Look how cute my blog is...i was envious of all the fancy ones!
I would love to say that I did it, but no one would ever believe me, knowing my computer skills and patience level. Not that I didn't attempt it though...and after much frustration, my sweet friend Valinda, did it in a matter of minutes!(we all have our gifts) :)
Thanks Valinda,,, I love it!!

God's Hand

I didn't write this I got it from another blog I like to read. It was really good though, so I thought I would pass it along...


10:17 AM (14 minutes ago)
The Shelter of God's Hand
from Traveling the Road Home by Melinda
Today is one of those "word" days. I get them from time to time; a day when God drops a word into my mind like a coin into a bank. The word for the day is "hand".
I combed the scriptures, of which there are many, that have to do with the hand. There are passages about man's left hand and right hand, the hands of oppressors, the hand of the enemy; but more than any other, there are scriptures talking about the mighty hand of God.
This one in particular stood out to me:
Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God,
that he may exalt you in due time.
1 Peter 5:6 (KJV)
Last month, my blog friend, Elaine, wrote a post called "Anonymous". [As an aside, you should just head right on over to her blog, Peace For the Journey, when you're done here. Oh my WORD, that girl can write and the Lord will bless your socks off through her! Okay, as I was saying...] She discussed the "hidden" seasons of our lives, when we go about the mundane of our daily lives, seemingly insignificant in the grand scheme of things, to the world at large. This scripture made me think of her post and the way most of us experience being "hidden" at one time or another.
I decided to break down the scripture. Here's what I found:
Humble yourselves: tapeinoō - to make low, bring low
therefore: oun - accordingly, these things being so
under: hypo - by, under
the mighty: krataios - of the mighty power of God
hand: cheir - applied to God symbolizing His might, activity, power in...upholding and preserving (God is present protecting and aiding one).
of God: theos - spoken of the only and true God; the Godhead, Trinity
that: hina - in order that, so that
He may exalt: hypsoō - to lift up high, to exalt, to raise to dignity, honor and happiness
you: hymas - you, for your sakes
in: en - in, by, with
due time: kairos - due measure, the right time, opportune or seasonable time, at the divinely appointed time. [i]
Here is my takeaway:
If we are going through a time of being "hidden", we need to take comfort in the fact that we are hidden under God's mighty hand. If we humble ourselves and make ourselves low, we can embrace the fact that we are not stuck under God's thumb, seemingly unable to move forward, but are being preserved and protected, sheltered and grown until the right time, the divinely appointed time when He will scoop us up and lift us high.
Joyfully LAY LOW to, in His time, be RAISED HIGH.
All the while, you'll enjoy both the covering and the foundation of His MIGHTY HAND

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

subject to change....

Well, the latest is Trey is leaving next Thursday. He has to be there to begin his job. The kids and I, are staying here. They will start school here...and then we will move when our house sells. We have someone really interested in the house, so hopefully, the move will be sooner rather than later.
It will all be good.
The kids are excited about starting school with their friends.

So, that's the plan, at this point...there have been many plans, so I am not holding my breath. But, at least it's a starting point.

Let me also say,"I AM SO READY FOR SCHOOL TO START!" It has been a crazy morning. I think the kids are ready too, from all the arguing and bickering and teasing. The Natives are restless!

After a couple weeks, I will be sad they are gone all the time again, but today.. . BRING-IT-ON!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Open Handed....

After a very long week and many many tears...I surrender all.

We (meaning me) had been in such a state of confusion and turmoil.
I had completely fallen under attack and was letting the enemy win. I began to doubt all the truth I knew God had placed on Trey's heart and mine months ago.
So many doors had been closed. We couldn't find a home in Houston. All the showings on our home had stopped, Trey was leaving without us, school was(is) about to start, money was(is ) tight.
The light was being suffocated by the darkness and I was allowing to enter my heart.
My vision seemed to fade to black...I was blind, it seemed. I couldn't see the steps He wanted me to take.
I cried soo much last week. My eyes stayed swollen and red for days. I felt so alone. Like He left.
Why? Why would He leave me here to suffer? Why would He leave me afraid? Why would He leave me wondering where He was...for His Glory...
He didn't leave..He never will...
He just let me get low enough to bring me to desperation and surrender.

I got on my face, and slowly, reluctantly, honestly, opened my hands and let go. I let him have it all. The fingernail marks in my palms reminders of how tight my grip had been.
More tears, cleansing tears, repentant tears, healing tears...

Through it all He was there. Growing me, protecting me, teaching me, tearing out the old, and restoring the new.

So, at the end of the day, after letting go and opening my hands to Him...

We have a strong offer on our house (possibly), the rent house we desperately wanted, the owner is willing to hold it until our house sells!
Amazing Grace.

Even through my disobedience and doubt...forgive me my Lord. I am sorry...so sorry
without me getting it all right.. He prevails...
I just stood in awe, in silence last night. There was nothing left to say, but give reverence where reverence was due.

I would love to stand back and say that I handled this journey with grace, peace, patience, and faith. I haven't . I will not be guilty though or discouraged.
He grew something new in my through this...stronger, calmer, clearer. More....more of Him...

Lord I pray, although the pain feels so great, you continue to grow me...I am learning to enjoy the growing pains more.
My pray continues to be let me live an opened handed life to you. Let me give it all to you daily. Help me to realize when I am holding on and help me to let go...I love you desperately...

Fancy Blogs

Ok Girls, How Do I get the fancy blogs stuff thats all pretty??

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Attack! Attack!

That's how things feel the past couple of days....satan is sure chasing us hard right now.
We are having so much trouble finding a house in Houston. Our house here has had a ton of traffic, but no offers. Things have gotten really crazy with so many details swirling and nothing seems to be sticking or coming together.
At this point, it looks like Trey may have to go down without us and we will have to stay here. You know that is just the exact opposite of what this move was supposed to be about. That just seems like that would be the worst thing EVER!
I need you all to pray like crazy....I know God's perfect timing and will is going to win and prevail. If that is His plan, then we will take that journey.
I just want to make sure we take defensive matters and keep ourselves protected from the lies...
"satan will always tell you what is true, but never tell you the truth..."-Beth Moore

Thanks in advance for your prayers...i love you all....

Monday, August 4, 2008

Caden's Baptism

This was supposed to upload on my other post and didn't so.... continue reading......


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Oh Glorious Day!

My sweet boy was baptized yesterday. He has been sooo excited about get "babtitized"! I know he is 7 and I could have/should have corrected him, but it was so sweet and innocent when he said it like that, through he voice of excitement...
this is the ring we gave him afterwards. We had the date that he prayed to receive Christ, engraved inside.




To make it even better, Trey got to baptize him at our amazing church. Trey did a great job. He held it together(pretty well...)





It was an awesome day. I love knowing that my sweet son, is a child of God. I love that he was so excited to let everyone know that he was going to heaven one day!




I love thee Lord Jesus...thank you for such a blessed life...









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