Void

Trey left Thursday for Houston.
I wanted to sit and write all about it, but I couldn't . There were so many raw emotions that I couldn't even form words most of the day.
I have such a pain in my chest even as I write this. The tears well, and I can't breathe. I miss him so much it hurts, literally.

We laid in bed Wednesday night, and I tried to stay awake all night, with all I had. I just didn't want it to be the day he had to leave. I didn't want to wake up and tell him goodbye. But I did.
It almost seems like a dream. I keep expecting him to walk through the door. I am not sure how or why he is gone. It just doesn't seem right.
We are here. He is there.
All of his things are gone. All his T-shirts, his contacts, his watch on the bathroom sink at night...gone.
As he hugged me goodbye all I could do was shake my head,"NO!"
This can't be happening, please NO!
It was a long night. The kids and I just cried. They are having a hard time. A very hard time. They need their dad.
He is the laughter, the joy, the fun in our house. I miss the feet running, and voices yelling,"DADDY!" when they hear the door opening.
I miss his arms around me.
I miss his face. It hurt to look at him the days before he left.

When we made the decision for him to leave, we had a strong contract on the table. That fell through the day before he left. We had a date to be back together. I had an end. Now I just feel like we are hanging.
I know it's going to be OK. God has a purpose and a plan better than we could ever plan. I just can't say it doesn't hurt.
My best friend isn't here with me. He isn't here to hold me, to talk to me face to face, to hug me, to make me laugh, to kiss me...
I miss him so much!! I know I said that, but I do.
The minute he walked out the door there was a void. The whole house shifted. It was different in an instant. It was an overwhelming difference. There will be til we are all together again.
He is my love...my man...my better half(for real!)...he make me a better person.
I love you Trey.

Please keep praying...I know I will be...