Final Countdown

Well, another countdown. It's 24 days til we move. It hit me today. We really are moving. AND I REALLY HAVE A LOT TO DO!!! That's not much time to get it all done.

Trey is fine and made it through the hurricane. He had power where he was and all was fine. It was a mess around him. But he was good. Praise! I guess he is officially "broken in." I hope I miss my turn. Scary!
5 days til we see him. We are going down Friday. I can't wait to see him!!!

So I have been really sad this week. I feel like ties and bonds are breaking here. Relational doors seem to be closing. In a way I feel like our relationships are drying up. I am not sure if it's an attack or God making it easier when we do leave. I am not sure I am prepared. But I know, He will not let me down and will prepare the way for me there. It's hard to let go.
For weeks, there was such a hightened excitement here. People helping me decorate. People helping fix up our house. People so sad we were leaving. People wanting to spend time with us before we go. Now, It just seems like the emotions have faded. And here we are and there everyone else is. Our life is going to dramatically change and all of theirs just goes back to another day of their life.
I am full of regret for all the relationships I didn't put more effort into. The parties I didn't attend. The time I wasted. All the wrong words I have said. All the negative self images that kept me from diving into life. I feel like I missed out on so much here due to my own imaturity and fears. (I know that in one reason He is moving us-to grow me in these areas)
It has been a big lesson to take the time to let people in and to learn to put myself out there too.

I feel like my hand has been so closed tight this week. I feel like I am not ready to let go of anything right now. I feel sad and anxious and lonely, very lonely. Even inside my own house. It's such a strange feeling. The worse part is, I know the more I hold onto, the less He can put in my hand to receive. I know it, but I can't seem to do it. Not this week anyway.

His mercies are new everyday. Tomorrow is another day and another lesson.